She did not die too much

A river bank had beckoned from afar , beyond domes of haystacks that rose like temples and palm trees that stood in lines on paddy field hedges. A girl who died to the river bank would have her ashes added to its flow.

This girl of woman had always greeted me from a child’s mind that recognized a kindred spirit acknowledging the truth of an invisible connection that existed between us .Her presence consisted of a series of absences all of which formed a big presence ,when she was around but not around much .I mean when she was supposedly alive but not tangible at one place in the home. She loved the wind the trees and the creatures on the leaves, the yellow moon,the red sun.She always hated to be in the four walls of a home. It now makes hardly a difference she is not around. Because she will always come back eventually. When someone is mentally retarded she does not die too much.

Returning home the train flowed to Bibinagar where hundreds of fluorescent graves of Bibis (wives) greeted bleary eyes. They were waiting for live husbands to lay annual wreaths on their grieves. Actually they were buying fresh flowers for their wives not yet in their graves.

Returning home to the Facebook of my home computer I found one face in Lousiana missing. Such things happen behind your back. There was no reason for Prabhakar to vanish from my Facebook.

May be we shall become pals once again in our Facebook up there!

Thank God, she did not die much

When I heard the news of my cousin’s death in the car, I had thoughts of my triumph over fate . When seeking a stoned beauty at dusk I went into the emptiness left by a person who I would prefer not to be there .When she is there she is an interruption on my happiness, on my being there. Yet when she is not there now, she is still an interruption on my seeking beauty , my pursuit of happiness, and on my just being there.

If her being did not matter ,why would her absence matter? When there is no matter, where is the emptiness left by it? Surprisingly she represented a hole in my mind and the hole continues not withstanding her not being there. Her absence began when she was born and continues now ,even after her death. If only she had not been born!

If a retarded person dies what will happen to the mind that remained in its journey at a fairly early stage but the body reached a full forty five years of age? It is as though what died was a mere idea of a person who had once lived just about ten years or so.Because the smile she died smiling was a ten years old’s smile. Thank god, she did not die much.